I have decided that I would very much like to make a Christmas decoration. Well, technically, what I would like is a decoration involving, but not interacting with, the Christmas Decoration Ethos. This decoration will involve red lights, plywood, and will probably never happen. I want a Koolaid man lawn ornament damn it. In lights.

Mark suggested that I wear this ornament myself, festooning myself as the Koolaid man which probably wouldn't be any harder. I suggested I would then go barreling through our neighbor's fence, since it's the shittiest looking fence I've ever seen and I haven't before encountered as good a way of pointing this out. Mark pointed out that I would then presumably be repeatedly punctured by nails and jagged bits of wood. I suggested that as I lay on the ground bleeding from many small puncture wounds, a passerby might pause, say "looks like someone spiked the punch", and then walk on.

These are just fantasies.

Two things I want to say. One, I think I'm pretty good at understanding people. This is probably something everyone thinks they're good at, so don't take it too much to heart. Part of it is probably that I just really like human beings, and am rooting for them, and so they tell me stuff and then I get to pretend lie I'm actually secretly perceptive. But I find myself in many situations telling other people they have to try to understand their peers.

I realized suddenly that these people PROBABLY think I'm trying to tell them to understand their peers so they have compassion for them and then when that happens, everything will be magically better. But no. ABSOLUTELY not. One of the world's worst secrets, worst because it's so obvious, is that it is not only possible but in many cases the best solution to have compassion for another person without doing anything for them. Just super common.


If I'm about anything, and I'm not, it's function. How to get things do, and when can you rest knowing you've really done your best at getting things done. We need to understand each other so we know how to DEAL with each other. A lot of people seem to think that because someone complains about something, or because someone says something,an issue has been created that must be dealt with. Understanding where that issue is coming from...for example that someone is complaining about x because actually they don't feel appreciated and feel the need to reassure themselves that the world is aware of their existence by being a squeaky wheel, can OBVIOUSLY be dealt with by treating the disease rather than the symptom. For example.

Instead most people say I can't believe they keep talking about x and as soon as I fix x I know they're going to start complaining about y. And of course they are because in 90% of the cases X isn't really the problem and their complaint isn't why you're bothered and fixing X won't solve the larger situation. Most problems can go away with a good hug physical or mental.

My grandfather, blind, going deaf, unable to walk well and alone, complains about the situation he's in because he hates having to be taken care of. That's the disease, the rest are symptoms. This is due to the fact that he has spent his whole life taking care of others and--since he grew up never realizing he had a choice in what to do with his life--he hasn't even had the comfort and congratulation of realizing the good he was doing. It was just the job. Now life is in the process of retiring him. I don't ask anyone to understand that so they feel better about being complained to, I ask them to so that they recognize the more the allow their wishes for his safety to take the appearance of favors and intelligent proposals rather than demands to someone used to being able to demand, the more likely they are to be accepted. Since we all want a safe and as-happy-as-possible grampa, this is function rather than compassion, but it ACHIEVES what compassion wants. That's all. In this neck of the woods, we get things done.

Take it from me, I know absolutely nothing about the world.

The forward arrow on my computer no longer works. I take it this is a sign from the gods to spend some time, now that I'm done with applications, working on where I am right now. A lot of sunsets remind me of other places, Mont St. Michel, Istanbul, Ireland. A lot of bars remind me of other beers I've had. It's a good thing time has been proven to be distinctly non-linear or I'd be nervous. As it it is I am more than happy to keep my ghosts of places and people around me always, they are my reserves and my support group (as are many living, wonderful people) and any time my shockingly easy life seems to get a little hard and I start to kick i look at all their faces and I think do i want to live my life being someone for whom THIS was too hard.

I have captured them in time, that friend in that bar on the wild, hazy night, that one in the dream I had once in that place, little homes I have carved out for them. So they won't go, have somewhere to live, I can feel surrounded and rooted for.

They just want me to be happy. And that’s much nicer than them wanting me to succeed, because success is so much luck. If I’m given a few days to come to grips I can probably be happy again, whatever. I keep my ghosts happy, I stay happy, I keep trying, this can’t be too hard for me because I don’t want to be the person for whom it was too hard.